Jailhouse Shock
by Alice Shade
Summary: Apparently, even Kim Possible can get in prison... And get something out of it other then tattoo, or horror story.


_I don't own anybody starred in his work of fiction, and I don't make any kind of profit off it. If you think you can write sequel, prequel, tangent or whatnot, feel free to, through I have absolutely no idea, what else can be done with this one-shot.

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Kim silently fumed, wiping her fingers from black dactyloscopic paint. Of all the jokes Wade ever pulled, it was one of the lowest. So what if she hung up on him seven times? She was breaking up with Josh, for crying out loud! Couldn't he see, that it was more important then dealing with monkey ninjas? So what if they cut all the wires to Wade's house! Boy's so fat, it won't hurt him to walk out of his room once in a while.

There was one small hope, that it wasn't Wade, and that he is currently working on getting her out already, but he did said she was in for some surprise a minute before cops came to her house, and arrested her.

Apparently, Kim was one of suspects for recent bank robbery. Of course, she tried to use her crimefighter status, but cops just laughed. Kim growled in frustration. She was famous Kim Possible! How dared cops to treat her like a regular crook? It was to no use. She was led down to the cells, and shoved into one of them.

Kim took a look around. It was a regular cell for two. She was alone, which meant, that she might wind up lucky, and don't have to put up with some cellmate tonight. As far as she remembered laws, they had no right to hold her for longer then three days, at maximum, so she thought she could live with that. But as soon as she'll be getting out, she'll go over to Wade's house, and personally give him big juicy piece of mind.

Whatever Kim hoped for, was left unaccounted, however, when grate opened again, and three guards threw in a sack of cats of a woman. The fact she was handcuffed and legcuffed didn't really hindered her enough not to show guards with both words and action, what did she thought about them in parcicular, and police in general.

Kim signed. Of all the cellmates, she just had to be stuck with Shego... Grate clanged, getting in place, nanoseconds before Shego managed to scramble back to her feet. Guard ordered - "You bitch, come to the grate and stand still." Shego's reply was both verbose and colorfully obscene. Guard shrugged - "If ya wanna walk and sleep in handcuffs, you're pretty welcome to."

Begrudgingly, Shego went to grating, and stood still, while guard removed cuffs from her legs and arms. A minute, and Shego and Kim were alone. Kim didn't knew, what to make out of this, because Shego still didn't said anything to her. Kim expected something by this time.

Finally, Shego regarded Kim with a glare, then groaned, and banged her head softly against the nearest wall.

"I should've stayed away from Drakken's lab, I really should! Maybe I wouldn't be hallucinating right now..." - she moaned, and banged her head once again. Kim shrugged.

"Uh, Shego, what are you here for?" - asked Kim.

Shego moaned again - "I'll be damned, if I know. Fucking cops, fucking Drakken, fucking life..."

Kim signed.

"Shego, what did you do?" - she asked.

Shego squinted - "Who are you anyway?"

Kim shook her head - "Kim Possible, doi! Isn't it obvious?"

Shego banged her head again.

"Great, now I'm hearing things too." - she mumbled. Kim snorted, then grabbed Shego by shoulders, and made her sit on the bunk.

"First of all, I am real. Second, what the hell had you done this time, Shego, and how come I didn't had to deal with you today?" - she asked.

Shego wasn't responding anything for a few seconds, just leaning on Kim. Then, she muttered - "I don't believe you. Kimmie's way too goody-goody to wind up in cell."

Kim sneered - "Get together, Shego! I'm real, as well as you are. As soon as I'll know for sure, whoever pranked me, I'm going to his house and personally kicking his sorry fat ass all the way to the Moon and back."

Shego suddenly turned around, and gave Kim a punch in the jaw. Kim barely had time to put a block. In a second, both of them were trading punches and kicks, circling around each other in the cell. Whatever that might've escalated into, noone could tell, but suddenly, both girls were sneezing and tearing up. Guard's voice came from behind the grates - "Next time you bitches start tearing at each other, I'm going to put on a gas mask and show you some manners."

Shego opened faucet, and put her face under a stream of water. In a few seconds, she pulled her head out, and motioned Kim to do the same. While Kim washed her face, Shego busied herself with wringing out her hair. Kim washed her eyes thoroughly, but they still stinged. She kept blinking, and knew Shego must have the same problem too.

"How about we call truce for now?" - muttered Kim.

"Fine..." - grumbled Shego. Apparently, she wasn't keen on breathing in tear gas again.

"Why did you hit me, even?!" - asked Kim.

"Because!" - Shego didn't elaborated further.

"Why?" - Kim wasn't giving up easily.

"Because, I said!" - Shego wasn't giving up either.

"Really, why?" - Kim was determined to know the answer.

"Because, you're stupid as hell, princess!" - yelled Shego.

"What was that supposed to mean?!" - yelled Kim back.

"QUIET, you fucking bitches!" - yelled guard on them from his post.

Shego snorted - "Does he even know any other words besides bitch?"

Kim grumbled - "When I'm getting out they are all sooo going to get it!"

Shego mocked her - "Ooh, does princess feels a little uncomfy?"

Kim retorted, without thinking - "OOh, but I have a nice cuddle buddy to make up for that."

Shego did a double take. Kim laughed. Shego grumbled - "What?"

"You're cute, when you look like that." - said Kim.

Shego did another double-take. Then she stared at Kim suspiciously.

"Possible, do you mean, that you arranged all this to have a free go on me?" - she said in low voice.

Kim shook her head - "Nah. I'm almost sure it's Wade getting up at me for last week."

"This little computer geek? What did you do? Hid his candy on the upper shelf?" - queried Shego.

"He's got no tact!" - grumbled Kim, - "Kept calling me with some stupid alerts, when I was breaking up with hottest guy in whole school."

Shego snorted.

"Kimmie, Kimmie, Kimmie. What am I going to do with you?" - she mocked. Kim didn't consider it rating some kind of reply.

Instead, she asked - "How did you wind up here? And where's Drakken?"

Shego growled - "For all I care, he could drop off the face of planet, that annoying jerk."

Kim queried - "You mean you're quitting working for him?"

"I already did, yesterday." - told her Shego.

"What the heck happened?" - Kim was curious.

"How should I know? He calls me to his lab, I come in, and he goes all weird, going on knees, and saying some weird mushy stuff, I step back, accidentally push off two beakers, and he's suddenly all 'stupid woman, what had you done', and this stuff starts to glow and smell like air before storm, and I start to see some weird things, so I freak out, and run out of lab, and hideout, just like I was, and there's a lot of sizzling and cracking going inside, so I wait it out, and then try the door and it's locked, so I take my cell and phone Drakken, and he's all like 'stupid woman ruining my experiments' again, so I tell him to stuff it, and all that, he says he won't open door then, so I yell at him, and say I quit, and go to city, rent a room in the nearest hotel, go to sleep, and next day, freaking cops bust my door, at about five in the morning, and put gas grenade in my room, and haul me here, and go on and on that I must confess to snatching a bank, and all that stuff, and I have no idea what they are talking about, so they finally stuff me here, and you're here getting all chummy-like with me, and WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON ANYWAY!?" - Shego finished her speech screeching. It seemed she had dumped all that's been on her mind on Kim, who barely managed to decypher this babble.

"Whoah there, Shego, relax, breathe, calm down. I have no idea, what is going on. I got hauled out of my house after school by two cops, and from what I've heard, I'm a suspect for bank robbery. Wait a second..." - Kim suddenly had a weird idea, - "Do you think we were both framed? For the same robbery, to boot?"

Shego pondered for a second, then nodded. Kim signed.

"Why would anyone want to get rid of BOTH of us?" - asked Kim.

Shego shrugged - "Well, some other villains might want to. You, for obvious reasons, and me - because without me, Drakken isn't a quarter as dangerous."

Kim frowned - "You villains live like spiders in the jar."

Shego signed - "Yeah, it gets old quite fast. But I never trusted anybody, so it's moot for me."

Kim smiled, a bit uncertainly - "Well... Shego, why don't you trust someone?"

Shego snorted - "Because everybody is two-timing, backstabbing, brown-nosing, treacherous, ungrateful prude."

Kim was taken aback by this.

"Well, I suppose you villains are that... Through I don't know about prudes. But normal people aren't like that." - she mused.

Shego snorted again - "Either that, or insufferable goody-goody."

Kim shook her head - "Come on, Shego, being good is fun."

Shego guffawed - "Oh really?"

Kim asked - "You think being bad is better?"

Shego said - "You're definitely not good, Kimmie, definitely not."

"What do you mean!?" - huffed Kim.

"I mean, that you can definitely consider yourself a badass, princess. How many there are guys in your school that you can't take on and come out on top?" - asked Shego.

Kim shrugged - "I guess, none..."

Shego made a mock-serious face - "Aww, poor Kimmie's scaring little guys away?.. But seriously, maybe aside from your sidekick, I doubt there is anybody else who can take you on in your neighbourhood."

"So what?!" - asked Kim, somewhat irritably.

Shego signed - "Kimmie, quit playing stupid, would you?"

Kim was about to yell at Shego, but remembered about the guard, and instead said in loud whisper - "I'm not stupid!"

"Well, you make it sound like you are." - retorted Shego. Kim didn't knew, what to say, and for a while it was all quiet. Shego took her time to sprawl on lower bunk.

"Shego... I might be naive, but I'm not stupid." - said Kim at last. To tell the truth, she barely had the nerve to utter that - but she was very interested in what Shego had to say. She had her reasons, and even if it took a little humbling - well, she could take that.

Shego murmured something, but not loud enough for Kim to hear.

"What?" - Kim was determined to get some facts from Shego at last.

Shego murmured louder. Kim could swear she heard words - "...not bad, considering..."

"Shego? Pwease!" - Kim wanted to know the answers, even if it took her to resort to puppy dog pout. Shego bursted out laughing at Kim's antics.

"Are you taking lessons off your sidekick, or what?" - she asked. Kim signed.

"Shego, can you just tell me?" - she requested.

Shego shrugged - "I forgot."

Kim patiently reminded her - "It was about me being best fighter in the neighbourhood."

Shego blinked - "Oh, that? Well, it's really easy. Because you're the best, eventually a lion's share of fighting will fall to you. You can already notice that nobody bothers sending police or army for us, villains, anymore. They just shrug and say - 'Oh, villains again? What's the problem? Send Kim Possible to deal with them.' Won't you get at least a little weary, if you'd have to fight all the time, and get practically peanuts for that?"

Kim frowned - "I think you're exagerrating, Shego. I can expect some help from the people I helped."

Shego turned, so she was facing Kim - "Look, Kimmie, I think this is one of the very few times, when we can actually chat not inbetween of fighting or chase. So I'll try to be as serious and honest, as I am. I always apprecuated your talents. But I hate to see you wasting them. I might not be the ideal role model, but I get actually payed for my talents. You give them out for free. But really - can you afford to spend that much? Let's be frank, Kimmie. You give out much more then you get. But you're not infinite. One day, you're going to give way too much and end up in hospital or six feet under, and they'll all send you 'Get well soon' cards. But that's a little inadequate for a piece of your health, body or life. I can bet there are scars on your body already, and I won't even go into counting the scars on your mind. You're young yet, so you can still stand up and fight, like nothing had happened, but it won't be like this forever."

Kim sat down at the opposite wall, leaning on it, and hugging her knees, looking on Shego.

"But you're not getting it better, then I am." - she said at last, - "You too give out too much and getting not enough in return."

Shego moaned and rolled on her back.

"I know..." - she said, after a minute's silence, - "But, after all, is there anything that is worth it?"

Kim suddenly crawled across the floor, and leaned on bunk wall, sitting within a foot from Shego, now.

"I think there is..." - she said uncertainly.

Shego moaned again - "If you're going to say anything about being good, I'm going right through the wall."

Kim chuckled - "Shego, Shego, what am I going to do with you?"

Shego snorted - "I knew it'll come back and bite me in ass."

Kim laughed quietly - "I think you prefer different things to bite you in ass, do you?"

Shego turned her head, and stared on Kim.

"Possible, I'm going to ask you again. DID YOU ARRANGED ALL THIS TO FLIRT WITH ME?!" - she said dangerously low.

Kim blinked - "I'm not flirting with you... Am I?"

Shego groaned - "Would we have company right now, your remark about my ass would be almost salacious."

"Come on, Shego, I didn't had anything dirty in mind." - pleaded Kim.

"Oh really?" - Shego wasn't believing much.

"Yeah, really!" - said Kim hotly.

"So, do you mean, that if I started to flirt with you, you'd be turned off by that?" - queried Shego.

Kim snorted - "You, flirt? Yeah, and Ron's the hottest guy on the planet."

Shego rolled her eyes, and theatrically signed.

"Let's put it that way. If I'd offered YOU to bite my ass, what would you do?" - she asked pointedly.

Kim took a deep breath.

"I... I am not suggesting anything." - she said at last.

Shego smirked, but continued with stern voice - "Kimmie, I'm asking, what would you do, if I suggested you to bite my ass, not if you were suggesting anything."

Kim blurted - "Ok, fine, I'd be delighted to! But since you're not offering, I think I'll just shut up now."

Shego bit her lip, then gave up, and bursted out laughing. Kim glared on her, but said nothing. Shego saw that, and stopped laughing.

"I'm not mocking you, Kimmie. If I did, I would be mocking myself too." - she said, giggling.

"I think that would be time when you call me sick pervert and tear my face off?" - asked Kim. Shego burst out laughing again.

"Princess, I sincerely hope you're not confusing me with one of your school buddies? If you're thinking that being hit on by a girl is the most perverse thing that ever happened to me, you're even more naive, then I thought." - she chortled out.

Kim harumped, but didn't said anything. Shego shrugged, still laughing some - "Kimmie, honestly, if I'd let somebody bite my ass, that might be you as well."

Kim muttered - "Can we get off ass-biting for now?"

Shego laughed again.

"Still shy, princess?" - she taunted.

"I'd demonstrate you, how shy I am, but I have no wish to be a star of prison porno flick." - grumbled Kim. Shego quirked an eyebrow on her, but didn't said anything.

They had the feeling, that they had said enough for time being, if not too much. Maybe they would've resumed their conversation in some time, but they didn't had the chance.

There was some motion at the guard post, and then a small army of guards got to their cell.

"Hey, you both. Don't go mental on us. They just brought in your release orders. So it you'll please to come out peacefully, we will escort you outta here." - said one of the guards with leutenant stripes. Kim figured him to be in charge.

"Come on, Shego, they're letting us go." - she said. Shego shrugged.

"The day they would let me out of prison. Now I've seen it all." - she mused, and followed Kim.

There was a short conversation with a sleazy-looking official, who apologised for holding them in prison, and said that Middleton Police Departament suffered hacker attack. When the results of attack were cleared, they both were immediately released. And then, they both were figuratively given a boot.

Kim looked over prison's door with a frown. Of course, those idiots haven't even thought of giving them a lift.

"Hey, Princess? I think I'll take you up on biting my ass." - whispered Shego in her ear. Kim jumped, startled.

"You what?" - she asked incredulously.

"You heard me..." - murred Shego.

Kim shook her head, and then smirked - "Gotcha. But I'll pick place and time. And I want it in my house and as soon as we get there!"

Shego snickered - "You should've knew that I can take whatever you dish out, princess. You're on!"

Kim made a show of looking Shego over, then signed - "We'll have to get over there, first. You think you can survive a bus, or we need to walk there?"

Shego, in her turn, looked Kim up and down, then asked seriously - "Kimmie, are we trying to one-up each other, or we have a bout of serious lust?"

Kim blinked.

"A bit of both, I guess..." - she admitted, - "I still don't believe you'd just up and sleep with me, and then there goes the fact you're sexy as hell..."

Shego signed - "My thoughts exactly. Let's take a bus. Less time to chicken out."

They were in luck - catching bus was easy, and through Shego did received several stares over her costume, they disembarked just few houses from Kim's house thirty minutes later. Kim checked her watch. They were in luck yet again - nobody should be over casa Possible for over two hours at least.

Kim unlocked the door and went in, followed by somewhat reluctant Shego.

"Nice house, princess." - she quipped.

Kim locked the door, and was about to invite Shego up to her room, when she spotted a Kimmunicator on the table. Her wily side suddenly won over - after all, Wade did deserved some shock, and Shego was very good as a matter of inflicting it. So Kim picked up Kimmunicator, and clicked it on, motioning to Shego to come closer. Shego took place by her side in the same second, when Kimmunicator's screen lit up.

"Hey, Kim, glad to welcome you back... Whoa, what's going on?" - Wade was his usual self.

Kim smiled, somewhat evilly, and leaned to Shego.

"Oh, I just wanted to say thanks for getting me into the prison, Wade, because of what I got there..." - she said, and without further ado kissed Shego.

"I didn't... Oh shit..." - Wade started to type furiously, but then signed in defeat, when doors swung open, and at least dosen different people burst in and shouted - "Surprise! Welcome back, Kim!"

In the followed minute of silence, you could hear pin drop. Wade's dazed voice came through the Kimmunicator - "When I cleaned out Drakken's tamperings in MPD database, I phoned everybody, to throw you a 'Welcome Back' party..."

After a slight pause, Wade moaned - "Please, don't kill me...", and screen went black.

"I... I can explain everything..." - said Kim in wavering voice.

"Um... Yeah..?" - agreed Shego.


End file.
